Hell Paving Company

"good intentions...mile after mile"
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                                                                This is the official website of the Songwriter
                         Johnny Nowhere
 
Music Supervisors, A&R reps & Licensing Agents advance to the 'Contact Us' page.
 
The rest of you are advised to read the following drivel. 
 
The Main Thing To Bear In Mind Is That Hell Paving
   Company Will Not Hurt You. Nor Will We Come To
     Your home and give you a free estimate on asphalting your driveway.
     Hell Paving Company is not a children's website. We have no connections with
     the Devil or Satan or any such nonsense. Hell Paving Company does not deliver Chinese!!!!
  
   Hell Paving Company is a music publisher and is recognised as such in the use
    of the registered domain name, worldwide.  Johnny Nowhere is the only artist
   we represent because he is the owner of the company, so "we" is actually a "he".
   And more actually "he" is really the I who is writing.. look,  just click on that About Us button
      right up there under the little demon and the whole story will unfold before your bleary     
     monitor-fried retinas.. See how soft the colors are here at Hell Paving Company? Enjoy.
  
                 *  Johnny Nowhere has been a Proud ASCAP member since 1989  * 
    
      A Word to the Wise: It has come to our attention here at Hell Paving Company that there
      are a surprising number of  "Johnny-Come-Lately's" out here on the internet. I don't know
      who these people are or why they can't come up with a name of their own. I am going to
  roll with imitation being the highest form of flattery. It may, however, make it just a bit more
  difficult to find the Johnny Nowhere when you Google. Perhaps you'll come across someone with a butt-load of tattoos, or some freaking wrestler who's claiming he's angry as hell, or some 
other person or entity who, for whatever reason, doesn't have a life. Well, it ain't me.
 
 Why should you explore the    Hell Paving Company
 Website?
                   
 1. You've never been on here before:
 Then why bail before you check out 
 the site?..You may just get some cool 
 ideas for your own site! After all, your
 site can't be as cool as ours! It CAN'T! 
 
2. You've been on here before: Well...
 how long has it been since your last
 visit? Y'know.. you may've forgotten
 something important that you meant
 to remember! Hurry! Recheck us out!
 
3. You've been here a million times and
 are sick of the irreverent humour, you
 just want to hurry and get your stuff
 and get lost: wait.. You did! You forgot
 something that you desperately meant
 to remember! Hurry! Recheck us out! 
 
4. Good thing you scoured this website!
 You just remembered what it was that
 you forgot: Wow! This website really
 is cooler than ours! I'm going over
 and murder my I.T. guy then tell all
 of the people I know to check out the
 Hell Paving Company website!
- Flounder Of The Company -
 
Now, under the watchful eye of the
soul proprietor, songwriter, owner,
mastermind and father of time, you
may slowly and carefully scroll back
up to the header of the field to the
immediate right of this field as I try
to the best of my ability to make this
section of nonsense as long as I, in my innate lunacy, made said field on the right; for it was created first with little foresight as to how much more type setting and cogitating was going to be required in order to see to the proper
formulating and necessary crafting of
this, the preceeding information; that
proper formating, seamlessness and,
most importantly, resolving balance,
contrasting that in the opposing field,
as I am eaten alive with OCD and if all
things are not absolutely perfect and
pleasing to the eye, I will not get any
sleep until such time all uniformities
are achieved. Thank you very much.
 
Why Hell Paving Company?
 
Why not? When we decided to go
into business and get our account
there was this requirement for an original and unused name for the
publishing domain. It had to be
unique throughout the world, as
clarified above. Well.. there's a fair
challenge right there, eh? Oh! the
additional bonus; if a co-worker
or family member meanders by in
attempt to glance what you are so engrossed in and sees the name of
Hell Paving Company and sees
the little demon..they'll think you are evil... Folks are just that way.
 
Okay. If you are a performer trying to
find the elusive Johnny Nowhere to
obtain his permission to perform one
of his songs, yes, you can. Please have
your minions call our minions and do
command them to relay the pertinent
information including your future CD title and song title you'll be recording.
 
If you need to confess a past sin, such
as, "I really am sorry, Mister Sir but 
I recorded your song without your
permission 'cause you are so elusive",
have your attorneys call our attorneys.
 
Seriously, this helps with the ASCAP
registration and since I wear all of the hats around here, every little bit is a
great help with my bookkeeping. And
I need the money.. badly.         Really. 
 
 Thus, here is an overview of the
services we offer:
 
Quality songwriting at reasonable prices. Thirty days same as cash.
 
Free Pick-up and Delivery.
 
Free shipping on orders over $100.
 
No salesman will call.
 
Well, perhaps one can't really say
that we offer a "service"... 
 
          "don't throw rocks at devils in glass houses"
 
              Hell Paving Company
          Phone number: 615 945 5712
          Fax number: "Just the fax, Ma'am."
          E.mail addresses:
               johnnynowhere@live.com 
                              -or-
             johnny.nowhere@yahoo.com
                              -or-
 we'll get back to you as quick as plausable!